Valentine's Spotlight: Clergy Couples In Love
'I have a partner who would never turn down conversation topics like trinity, epistemology and various atonement theories'
This year, in honor of Valentine's Day, we surveyed six married couples in ministry in the North Texas Conference to hear what keeps their spark alive and what it’s like to be married to a fellow minister. From recently ordained to retired elders, our Conference is blessed with wonderful clergy couples.
Jen Chickering and Patrick Hoffman
What’s the best part of being married to a fellow minister?
J: The best part of being married to a fellow minister is being able to have random debates over how theology is depicted in pop culture. For example, how is the human need for divine grace illustrated in shows like Hell's Kitchen? Or is there any apocalyptic imagery in Mickey Mouse Clubhouse?
P: The best part about being married to a fellow minister is that they understand the unique challenges and blessings of ministry firsthand. When there’s a pastoral care emergency, or a meeting that runs late — they get it. And when we have meaningful moments, when we see God’s grace clearly show up in and around us, it is a privilege to share it with someone who has had similar experiences.
What did you first love about the other person when you started dating?
J: The first thing I loved about Patrick is his authenticity. I have since come to love his punny sense of humor.
P: The first thing I loved about Jen was her smile — the way she lit up the room whenever she walked in. Since that moment, I have come to love Jen’s compassion and the ways she cares for those who are so often overlooked.
What’s your favorite Valentine’s Day memory with your spouse?
J: One of my favorite Valentine’s Day was our first Valentine's Day together as a married couple. We went to a local winery for a fancy dinner out.
P: Does working at the church together on Valentine’s Day count as a tradition? My favorite Valentine’s Day memory is from before we got married — we ran a 5k on Valentine’s Day together, and we have been “running the race” together ever since.
Cammy and Matt Gaston
What’s the best part of being married to a fellow minister?
C: I have a spiritual partner that speaks my language.
M: Being able to share anything in my life personally and professionally knowing that Cammy will understand, have insight and empathy.
What did you first love about the other person when you started dating?
C: When I first met Matt, I liked the strength of his character and his athleticism.
M: I was drawn by her eyes, her laugh and the way she lit up a room.
What’s your favorite Valentine’s Day memory with your spouse? Or what traditions do you share?
C: My spouse is a romantic. He brings me flowers and leaves cards and notes all the time. I feel very spoiled by his extravagant love!
M: Flowers and romantic dinners at home.
Matt’s Addendum: We have been married 36 years and I am more in love now than ever.
Raegan and Scott Gilliland
What’s the best part of being married to a fellow minister?
S: Raegan helps me understand my faith and my calling simply by being. We have shared experiences as colleagues, of course, but there's a richness in being able to see life and God and ministry through her eyes that is a unique blessing I get to enjoy.
R: The level of understanding of what we do. We understand the level of exhaustion and the frustrations better. We also can brainstorm and share ideas which has been such a gift. He should probably say that I help him with his sermons and that's why they're so good.
What did you first love about the other person when you started dating?
S: Raegan leads with her heart in everything she does, and the level of depth that she brings to relationships is unlike anyone I had ever known before, and unmatched since. She's hilarious, she's whip-smart, she's adventurous, and yet the first thing I really loved was that she unashamedly allows her heart to lead with strength and love, and I find that incredibly attractive.
R: I think what did it for me was his ability to make me laugh. Before we were a couple, we made these hilarious promo videos at Lovers Lane together completely unscripted and the way we fed off of each other and were so natural was unlike anything I had ever experienced. And he still makes me laugh harder than anyone. Oh and his dimples. Definitely his dimples.
What’s your favorite Valentines Day memory with your spouse? Or what traditions do you share?
S: We don't typically make a big deal of Valentine's Day. She did surprise me on our first Valentine's Day with a road trip to the Dublin Dr. Pepper museum and the dinosaur park in Glen Rose, but since then, we've both just enjoyed having a quiet night in. I cook her something restaurant-worthy and either stay up talking or watching a movie or more recently go to sleep by 9:30. Ssomeone has to get up with the kids in the morning!.
R: Honestly, we are aren't big on celebrating holidays like this, but I imagine our first one? I took him on a surprise road trip to the dinosaur park in Glen Rose and to Dublin, TX to visit the Dr. Pepper museum. We also adopted our dog around that Valentine's Day so that was pretty special.
Danielle and Dukwhan David Kim
What’s the best part of being married to a fellow minister?
Danielle: I love that I have a partner who would never turn down conversation topics like trinity, epistemology and various atonement theories. Lol.
David: We can finish each other's theological sandwiches (thoughts) and understand each other's.
What did you first love about the other person when you started dating?
Danielle: He is just about the wittiest person you can ever meet! Can't help but to mention how much I loved (and still love) his quirkiness too.
David: Her selfless sense of determination to get things done correctly and her love for people. She is a diehard believer in equipping people to be the best version of who they were meant to be in Christ.
What’s your favorite Valentine's Day memory with your spouse? Or what traditions do you share?
Danielle: Nothing too extraordinary, we celebrate it with a nice dinner and flowers. Ordinary things become extraordinary when I am together with him!
David: We try to cook for each other on special occasions with steak and air-fried cajun potatoes being our go-to fancy food.
S. Dianna and Henry Masters
What’s the best part of being married to a fellow minister?
D: Having someone that understands how hard it can be to hard to prepare a sermon every week while also having pastoral responsibilities that are very important.
H: Having another built in bible commentary.
What did you first love about the other person when you started dating?
D: I loved that he understood that even though the Black Church loves to have a First Lady, that was not my call in life. My call was to be a pastor. In the Black Church women are often put in this box when married to a fellow clergy person. This is not the same for the man.
H: Her dazzling “red coat” and her feistiness.
What’s your favorite Valentine's Day memory with your spouse? Or what traditions do you share?
D: My favorite memory is when we had three young children and couldn’t afford to go out to dinner. Henry “catered” our meal at home and set the dining room table up using all fancy dishes and crystal glasses and got a baby sitter to come in
H: Dinner at Casa Del Mar Hotel on Santa Monica Beach where we often studied together also.
Sylvia Wang and Jeffrey Pehl
What’s the best part of being married to a fellow minister?
S: It is so special to share double bonds of marriage and ministry with Jeff. I appreciate the deep, spiritual friendship and soulful connection we have as pastors which fills my world with much love, support and beauty.
J: For me, the best part is that we are both a part of two communities: Iowa Park (where I'm appointed) and Archer City (where Silvia is appointed). The roles are different in the two locations, but I feel I am a pastoral presence in Archer City. It's also wonderful that Silvia has a pastoral presence in Iowa Park.
What did you first love about the other person when you started dating?
S: I love that Jeff took a genuine interest in me and what I like. I enjoy good food but don’t enjoy cooking. Jeff would look up recipes of dishes I like and make delicious meals for me.
J: When we first started dating, I loved talking with Silvia. I remember having conversations and not realizing how much time had passed. We still have great conversations, and I'm still learning things about Silvia.
What’s your favorite Valentine's Day memory with your spouse? Or what traditions do you share?
S: Our Valentine’s Day tradition is Jeff making me a gourmet dinner and dessert. He would prepare homemade noodles with clams topped with lemon zest, cilantro and alfredo sauce made from scratch and Oreo cheesecake. We share a love for food and stories of the food and meals, whether it be homemade pizza, smoked brisket or Taiwanese beef noodle soup (which Jeff has made for me often in our 12-plus years of marriage).
J: One of our traditions is cooking a special meal for a celebration, such as Valentine's Day. Early on in our dating, I discovered Silvia loved fettuccini alfredo. I learned how to make homemade pasta and a top-notch lemon-cream sauce. Right before serving, I ask Silvia to taste the sauce and see what it needs. She gets her pasta with her own customized alfredo sauce! Now that we are fostering our first child and looking to adopt, I look forward to our children helping make these special dinners.
Published: Wednesday, February 16, 2022